Seattle needed a new basketball team as their team moved to Oklahoma, so I figured that we would start a new franchise. This is where we come in, the humans and the Na’vi had made peace since the war that took place on Pandora. They developed a breathing machine so we too could breathe on Earth. We took interest in the game of Basketball from the get-go as the humans that were in avatars explained the rules of the game. We pleaded to have our own team on in the NBA but they were many arguments as to the fairness of the game as we were 3 feet taller than everyone else in the league. To test this theory of fairness they assembled an all star team to take us on in a seven game series, much like the playoffs. This is where my story begins. My name is Ebok and I am the Shooting Guard for the Na’vi Basketball team.
I knew that this task would not be an easy one; the all-star team we faced was stacked with the best players in the league. Ranging from LeBron James all the way to Stephen Curry, these players were extremely skilled at the game and also had much more knowledge of the game than we did. We took the first two games no sweat but the humans came back with motivation to represent themselves as the top competitors of the sport and did they prove it. They won the next three games by landslides, beating us by at least twenty or more points. We knew we had to come back with the same intensity they did in game six because if we lost this game, it would be the end of any Na’vi’s chances of ever playing in the NBA. At this point I realized, if they won the series doesn’t that mean that the match up of Na’vi vs. Humans in the game of basketball would be fair contest. So I went up to David Stern Jr. and said “If we lose this next game, doesn’t that mean that we can play in the league because it’s a fair contest between Humans and the Na’vi?” at which point Stern bluntly replied “Just wait ‘til the series is over.”
I stormed out of his office and made a huge Na’vi head shaped hole his door frame. I didn’t make an effort to duck because he didn’t make an effort to hear my plea.
Tip-off commenced and to my surprise us Na’vi had the ball. Possession wise, both teams had the ball for an equal amount of time. As for defense, they had the upper hand on us. As we were taller we had to bounce the ball quite high, which gave the opportunity for steal the ball and score many fast-break points. It was almost entertaining to see how fast the humans were able to race down to the other side of the court and how the players on the bench reacted every time a player would do a flash dunk or pass. Jake, our head coach, was yelling at us, saying that we needed to sharpen up and help each other out on the court. Jake had no idea how important the home court advantage was on this particular game. Needless to say, we got our tails handed to us with a one sided score of 155-107.
As my fellow team mates and I commenced our way to the locker room we received a standing ovation from the crowd and the players from the other team. I was in awe at this praise for failure; at this point I realized they were showing us praise for taking on the best players of the game and coming out proving that they were the better than a bunch of 10 foot aliens. Amongst the people that were applauding us was Commissioner David Stern Jr., he came up to me and shook my hand and told me to come with him to the centre of the court. He then said “On behalf of the NBA I would like to congratulate the Na’vi Super beings on their efforts in taking on the Best players in the NBA. This however was an unfair contest in my opinion, because we at the NBA care about the Na’vi instead of giving them a team in the NBA we have decided create an organization for the Na’vi to play basketball and we will call it the NBO, the Na’vi Basketball Organization. No further questions.” I was stunned at the fact that he still said that it was an unfair contest of basketball when we clearly lost, before I could even question him about what he said he had already left. I saw the humans shoot around for a bit after all the commotion over the new league and I realized why Mr. Stern said that It was an unfair contest. When it comes to basketball, you just can’t beat the humans, enough said.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hey dude,
ReplyDeleteInteresting idea. I liked the whole "Ebok" being "Kobe" backwards.
Some things I would fix though:
- I would restructure alot of the story. Especially the introduction. It feels really mechanical (doesn't quite flow right). As in, it just seems like you're throwing information at the reader really hardout, when you could organise it differently.
As an example, I would probably start with: "My name is Ebok, and I am the Shooting Guard for the Na'avi All Star Basketball Team." Then explain in bits and pieces how it ended up that you had a team, and were playing the Humans.
Secondly I would probably examine the last half of the story and try to break it up a bit. It feels like the ending comes out in a rush, with no real climax or resolution (At least not a really solid satisfying one). I would probably write in some details of the final game itself, maybe even some play-by-play stuff if you have the wordcount for it.
(Like, just describe the way one play goes down, with the Humans beating out the Na'avi through teamwork and skill or whatever, then go on to say that the entire game went the same way - the Humans beating the Na'avi because of their experience.. or whatever.)
I know this is a pretty intense critique. This is only a draft so Im not bagging on ya. It's a really good idea, just needs a little development and polish is all.
Tbags! The idea behind this fanfic is excellent. Whilst reading your fanfic i could fully feel your enthusiasim for the sport of basketball and you incorperated the Na'vi very will into the the idea of basketball.
ReplyDeleteThe pro basketball references made the story completely believable.
There are only a few things that need work in my opinion. The introduction would be the first. There needs to be more of an explicit explanation of how the Na'vi got he opertunity to the play in the NBA.
The second would be, give more of a vivid discription of one of the games. I mean, there are 10ft aliens playing a hight bias game against at best, 7ft human beings. One epic game description would make the story a little more "on the edge of your seat" gripping. Can't wait to read the final copy.
Hey tbags, i really enjoyed your fanfic,but the introduction is very long, you should shorten it down ya. Otherwise it was real interesting to read, i felt really engaged into the whole idea of this Naavi's game, it was almost as if i was there myself experiencing all this live. Cool dude.
ReplyDeleteHey Tanay.
ReplyDeleteThis fanfic really spoke to me because we are doing similar topics, and i really felt you have captured something brilliant here. It flows excellently, and i enjoyed the idea of your cross-over.
As reuben said it could do with a polish, but the ideas are certainly there and the story itself is captivating. The characters are solid and I like what you have done with them, and the general feel of this is a good solid enjoyable to read fanfic.