''Class is cancelled for the day Mr Palmer, you will have to come back tomorrow to complete your presentation'', replied Judith, rushing of to the conference meeting that had started 15 minutes ago. Dammit said Dexter, rammaging through his glovebox looking for the good stuff, that always made him feel light and hearty.AAAH! He sigh's ''Mans best friend, WEED''. Dexter happily jamming to the beats of Snoop Doggy Dog making his way back home, ''come on baby smoke it'', he said to himself buzzing out to the crack he got extremely high on. Upon his arrival to Apple Tree Cottage before he opened the door taking that one last big breath of the breezy air filled with mists of marijuana and yelling out ''up your's Carter'' his neighbour from hell. He couldn't help, but notice this tape lying right beneath his glowing timberland's that red ''PLAY ME'' with red faded out ink which almost seemed and smelled like it was the blood of someone he had once known. Dexter drops his Battle star Galactica action figures that he enjoys collecting for nanny Fifi and from behind a big THUD struck right upon his ape like head as he took a mighty crash to the floor. The next minute Dexter awoke feeling slighty dizzy and getting fuzzy vivid visions of the bloody, grimy knifes, shackles, chainsaws, sledgehammers hanging around him in that slaughter house he was locked up in.
He looked scared and furious as if he was about to pee his pants, he screamed ''HELP! HELP!Somebody get me out of here'', but nobody in that abundant building could hear his merciful cry's. Suddenly a creepy voice zoomed over to him. ''Hello Dexter, I want to play a game''.''What, who said that, replied Dexter anxiously seeking for answers by swaying his head side to side, back and forth faster than the speed of lightning. For years you have been playing games with the ones you loved, but today i will play a game with you, one which will lead you to your next challenge and take you that much closer to saving your girlfriend Sarah's life. Dexter thought for a second, SARAH! That name sounds familiar. As you can see, Sarah is locked up inside a bear cage which is surrounded by sharp spikes and you have been straped to ths metal pole with a stretchy metal wire, which will allow you to reach over these rows of pins to grab a key that will open the strap around your waist and the door to your next challenge. You will get approxiamtely 45 minutes in which you must free yourself and make your way over to the next challenge to free Sarah, before you get sliced by these rows of choppers hanging from above the ceiling. The key to freedom lies within your hands. Do you think you have what it takes to win the game Dexter''. Jigsaw explained from the recorder. Dexter could hear Sarah's screeches from way past the walls, ''LET ME OUT YOU BASTARD! HELLLPPP''. ''Oh no, I cried, Sarah is in great danger I must hurry over to her'', I thought to myself as the choppers were slowly starting to make it's way over and slice me into two's. ''AHHHHHH''. The agonising amount of pain trembling throughout my entire body as I reached over to grab the key, blood sipping out of my abdomen and flowing out like a gushing river.''LET ME GO YOU BASTARD, THERE YOU WIN I GIVE UP, THE PAIN IS TOOO MUCH, I BEG OF YOU LET ME GO. LET ME GO OR I SWEAR I WILL DO TO YOU WHAT YOU DID TO MY GIRLFRIEND, THEN WE WILL SEE HOW YOU REPENT YOU ASSHOLE''.
The timer ticking away leaving me no option , but to bare the crucial pain and ''YESSSS, finally i got the key''. Dexter quickly unlocks himself and races through the exit tumbling onto the ground before the timer comes to a halt and the choppers get released as they take a serious fall to the floor. Then he sees another tape lying where he stood like a statue that red ''PLAY ME'', he clicked the red button once more. ''Hello Dexter'', ''OH NO'', I thought again as that tortures voice reappeared once again to haunt me. '' If you are listening to this, it means you have passed your first challenge, but before you can win this game you have to find a secret code which is hidden inside one of these 20 jars that contains Sarah's hair. In order to save her you must punch in the secret code on the pedometer to release her from this cage, but be aware that you only have 30 minutes to find the code and free her. Do you have what it takes to win this game and your love Dexter. Your time begins know. ''Sarah, Dexter called out, baby i don't know where to start'', '' well don't ask me this is your game so you decide, but please hurry the spikes are getting closer to me, AHHHH! It is very painfull, I'm terrified, I dont want to DIE baby'' cried Sarah. Confused and dazed out Dexter sprinting around looking for the code, stumbling over sharp blades doing almost everything in his own power to save Sarah, but with only 5 mintues to go and the spikes slowly starts to pierce through Sarah's body. Will he make it, will he save her and finish the game once in for all..... well you better stay tuned for saw 1o to find out.
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Hi there,
ReplyDeleteJust read your fan-fic. I have to say I really enjoyed it. Apart from the punctuation and a few grammatical errors, this has potential to be quite enthralling. I read it in it's entirety and found it very descriptive, and was really easy to picture/imagine the scenario. Was disappointed at the end, only because I really wanted to know whether he would make it and save her or not. Lol.
But, other than maybe putting in paragraphs and punctuation I found it to be an exciting read. Keep it up.
Im sorry about the puntuation and grammer mistakes, im not the best at it, but thankyou for the nice comment. I really appreciated it you made my day.
ReplyDeleteHi there.
ReplyDeleteI liked the ideas expressed in this fan-fic espically at the begining when he was indulging in marijuana, this seemed an interesting theme for you to discuss in your fanfic.
One minor floor i detected, was that the tenses in which the story flowed changed. At one point it was in second person, then it changed to first person, and it changed again! Perhaps this was deleberate to add authenticity to your story, but on the offchance that it wasn't, i am pointing it out.
Also yea your sentence structure could do with a little proof reading, and abit of nip and tuck, but the story is there and is well expressed, and i for one liked it.
Hey Farisha, I liked the Idea of your fanfic it was pretty good. A few things you could work on would be your grammar and the fact that you switch from Narrating the story as a third person to actually being the person in the story, just pick one and stay with it :). Basically what I'm trying to say is proof read it and see if it has a nice flow to it and maybe hand it over to fresh eyes so someone else could critique it. Another thing would be placement of speech marks. But other than punctuation and grammar it was a good story and I liked it.
ReplyDeleteYo Farisha, what a crazy story! You had me on the edge of my seat the whole time I was reading it. I've never personally watched Saw, I've just seen the trailers but your fanfic may have inspired me to rent one out.
ReplyDeleteLike is said, really good story; the way he was just getting drugged out at the start fully throws you off what the story's going to be about and then BAM!! he's in a dark, gloomy room with ruthless murder weapons hanging from the roof. How ever there are a few grammatical errors through out the story. You need to either stay in 1st person or 3rd person, its a bit confusing to read when you switch it around. Besides that just have a read through it and restructure some of your sentences, just so it reads with a little more flow.
thankx guys for your comment ae, i will go over my grammer mistakes again and correct it.
ReplyDelete